Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
