Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
