My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
