u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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