I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
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