Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
