the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
