Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
