Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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