just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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