the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
