your parents love me but you hate me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
there's paper in my vomit.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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