And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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