I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
