how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just pynch a tree in the face
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize
