Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
