what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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