Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
