i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
