True but thats because hes a fetus.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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