I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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