I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
