do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
