good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
