is your mom at the bar?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
All the doctor said was why
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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