he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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