i just made my gag reflex go away.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
