Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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