It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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