I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
