i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
