a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
