i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
