About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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