I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
