The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
