And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
