This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
