I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
