Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
