Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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