he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
