Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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