I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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