i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We have so much sex to catch up on
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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