After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
