Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
