I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I need water and some morals
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
