plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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