is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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