Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
