we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
