with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
