the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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