I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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