Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
