I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
